No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
