is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
