Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
