It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
