WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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