I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
