So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
