well I can't set my house on fire every night
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
