I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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