your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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