Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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