You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
