I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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