i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
please come you make the beer taste better
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
