Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
