Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
