I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
