Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
