shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
