So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
