his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
