I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
