I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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