You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
