So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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