Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Let's get the cat blown out
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize