Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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