i think i have two assholes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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