I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You're like the curious george of whores
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
