Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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