You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
