dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
