You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
