I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
