I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
two words...techno handjob
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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