he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
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i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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