I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
