i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
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I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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