best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
