Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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