mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
