For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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