she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
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This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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