You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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