I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
