you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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