i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
