i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
