barbara walters just said penis...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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