I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize