Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
