are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Be still, my beating vagina.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
