By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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