I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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