That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dating After Heartbreak
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore