hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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