it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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