I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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