I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we're making bets on your personal life
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
