wake up i wanna do it froggy style
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
