We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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