he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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