I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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