your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
