shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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