apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We just shotgunned beers for America
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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