shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its about making memories worth repressing
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
