My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
