Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
